The PERFECT couple
There is a word that strikes fear in the hearts of prospective adoptive parents: The Homestudy.
The Homestudy is a legal requirement for all adoptive parents in BC whereby a social worker visits your home over a period of months to gauge your suitability for adoption. While I understand why this is necessary, it’s hard not to feel doubly cheated: You can’t have children and now someone wants to “test” you to see if truly can parent them. Think about it: A person who gives birth is not interviewed and approved; a person who cannot give birth must be tested and approved. Many people say things like “You’ll learn so much about yourself and your partner” or “it will bring you closer together.” I did not find this to be the case; I found it an irritating obstacle on our way to parenthood.
People also say:” Don’t clean up your house; the social worker isn’t looking for dust bunnies. Nonetheless, being human and therefore slightly paranoid, we scrubbed the floors, scoured the stove, cleaned the sinks and hid the junk.
Over the course of two months, the social worker AKA GOD visited our immaculate home and asked us probing questions about where we grew, our relationships with our parents, how we dealt with our inability-to-have-children-the –old-fashioned-way grief. We were asked how we would handle things like racism (the likelihood being that our child would be non-Caucasian) when my husband is a visible minority with plenty of experience in that department.
I was at my lowest ebb during this process. We had recovered from the euphoria of the DECISION TO ADOPT and were onto the “Wow this could take a really long-time” downswing. Having worked in adoption, I knew that we were likely looking at two years from completion of the homestudy. My friends all had kids by now ranging in age from one to 13; our niece and nephew were 10 and 6, and I could not bear the thought of waiting that long.
In the ensuing 30-page TOME, written up by the social worker, which took 4 months to write up, I felt I came off like an anxious, slightly angry, head case.
We did survive, however, and felt a real load off once it was over. We were approved to adopt both locally and internationally.
Next Post: The Mountain Kingdom of Lestho
I am in awe of anyone who goes through the journey of adoption. I think the homestudy would be so hard. To have some one else decide if you “should” become parents.
I look forward to reading what happens next.