This week’s Monday Listicles theme is all about advice for new moms. We adopted at birth so I had the odd experience of being a brand new mom with all the worries and lack of experience that comes with it but none of the pregnancy, labour birthing, recovery or breastfeeding. Still, I learned a lot in that first year. I’m pretty sure I could write 100 tips without blinking but I’ve limited it to the required ten in no particular order.
1. Your new baby gives you carte blanche to bail on everything and anything. Take advantage! Don’t explain, just don’t show up. And for goodness sake, let go of your A-type obsession with being on time.
2. Don’t spend oodles of cash of fancy baby items most of which, if needed at all, can be picked up for next to nothing second-hand because babies don’t need anything for very long; they develop so fast. Further to this, you don’t need everything before the baby arrives. Theo slept in a wicker basket (basinette) for 10 weeks, and he was three-months-old before we decided on a stroller.
3. Take advantage of babydom (which ends rather abruptly once they start crawling) to hang out at cafes where everyone will ooh and aah over your stunning future genius.
Cute babies in a cafe
4. Don’t sign up for mom & baby activities. You’ll spend a lot of money on things you will rarely attend. Further to this, you child will get almost nothing out of them. If you want to get out of the house or meet other moms, join a moms group.
5. If you have a biter (as in a baby who like to bite other kids), it’s not your fault. There is nothing you can do about it (other than follow your child around and physically removing them), and your baby will grow out of it.
6. Babies don’t sleep properly until they are 18 months to 2 years old so don’t think your child’s inability to sleep needs to be fixed.
7. Use Baby Advil for teething babies if they need it. Don’t waste your money on flakey teething solutions; they don’t work.
8. If you adopted a baby, don’t feel any compunction to induce breastfeeding. Give anyone who suggests otherwise a withering look and walk away.
Feeding on the run.
9. Most of the things you worry about now – all the agonizing decisions about food, sleep, bottles, childcare – won’t make a whit of difference later on.
10. Trust your instincts when it comes to your baby; you know them better than anyone. Oh, and enjoy every bit of it because before you know it, they’re off to college (well that’s what they tell me anyway).
Feel free to add your advice for new moms!
Love the list! Resisting *cute baby stuff* is wayyyy hard.
Agreed! Especially about the moms’ group part.
lol yeah..all that gymboree stuff went out with the first kid….the FREE parenting groups I found were MUCH better
Those are some great tips! If I look back the only things worth buying are VERY used baby things in thrift stores. Cause it means the actually work and have been tried and tested.
And yes babies need you and you need adult company. Looking at the world around them in a cafe is just as stimulating as a gym class for 6month olds…
PS you look so radiant in the photo with your son!
Those are some really good advice for new moms. My daughter who just turned 2 still gets up at least twice at night to nurse. I’m done trying to fix her sleeping pattern.
So agree on the mum/baby activities. Free is the way to go with these when you’ll likely end up missing half of them due to teething/exhaustion/forgetting what day it is.
I wish someone had told me that it was okay if my standards slipped a bit with regards to keeping the house clean. I turned down a lot of people who wanted to come meet Adam because I was worried they would be judging my lack of housekeeping skills. So dumb. Nobody cared.
Also, if there are a million people who want to meet the baby, host one two-hour open house rather than having people trailing through your house for an entire week or two post-baby. It is much easier to drag a comb through your hair and change into presentable clothes once than trying to keep up the facade for two weeks with the doorbell constantly ringing.
Agree totally with the thrifted baby stuff and the two hour open house
I would add dropping hints to a girlfriend about organising a meal delivery from friends over the first two weeks (month if you’re lucky) if you have no relatives around to help.
I’d also say suss out the stroller ahead of time even if you don’t buy it. That way, you can direct a stroller buying mission from your hospital bed post C-section; carrying a baby might be the last thing on your mind or your abdominals for the first month.
And maybe on a purely personal campaign, consider co-sleeping ahead of time too – it really helps with the initial sleep deprivation.
Nothing made me realize how much of a control issue I had like kids. And now they help me to break that habit. Every day.
You are so right, I blinked and mine were grown and out of the house (I say that but I am fortunate that they live very close and are over here all the time) but I stil miss the “little” years sometimes! You are also right that at the end of the day sometimes the things we worry about the most dont make a whit of a difference. Nice to meet you!
Yep, yep, yep. Our little Fox is our second child, oh how the first child helps you adopt these suggestions. So not sterilizing everything now. No special bathtub, the sink will do. I plan on some totally guilt inducing response if I get crap for bottle feeding my child, although I would say if you have the chance to breastfeed it is oh, so, so, so much cheaper, but I’m not inducing lactation. Oh, and we turned down offers of a shower and asked cheekily if folks would be interested in a food train instead, so helpful in that first few weeks. Ours just finished yesterday and Fox will be 4 weeks on Thursday!
Your son is so precious, and I agree. The necessities are truly so few in comparision to the fluff, but some of that fluff is cute and fun!
Love the name Theo! And #10 is all we need to know… trust your gut!
I. Love. This. List! True and honest! Love, love, love, it!! #1 is awesome!… and so true!
Visiting from Listicles.
Totally agree with the second hand clothes comment. We pass things around the neighbourhood here too. Great list!
The tip I remind myself of frequently is ‘If it’s making me feel inadequate as a mom, I need to walk away!’
Love the list.
‘Cept I would say that breastfeeding is a cool option if you want to bother with it, and can. Regardless of ones stance, I agree with you that to suggest it to someone else is a bit weird.
So true about what you worry about and how it doesn’t matter later. Sarah really didn’t start eating solid food until she was 9 or 10 months old. I stressed about it big time, especially since all the babies around us were eating yams etc. It finally clicked and she went straight to finger foods. None of that really matters now.
So true, so true, except I did find the homeopathic tablets, drops worked most of the time. Though both my son and I have come to adore Advil. it does not make him drowsy in the slightest, though…rats! Also I would suggest reading What to Expect the First Year – it kept me from googling every little thing – good for those who are comforted by lots of info – it’s non judgmental and very practical! Oh, and do definitely join a support group – I wish I had during that first year!
Did people really expect you to breastfeed Theo? That’s insanity (isn’t it? Is that even possible?)!
Love the truthful list!
This is a terrific list — wish I’d had it handy back in the day!
Love the list! Especially about all the baby ‘stuff’. Our two older kids were ten and seven when we adopted our little guy-it was starting from scratch. We then knew which stuff was necessary, and which was a little ridiculous. Ahhh, experience…..
I did breastfeed, though, (yes, it’s possible! Google it.), and am so glad I did.
Great list! I definitely agree with #10.
This is awesome! I especially like the “take the time to sit at cafes” tip! Also, is it even possible to breastfeed when you adopt? I’m sure that’s an extensive process with many doctors involved. I don’t even know. And amen on the non-fancy baby items! Ari loved playing with my water bottle for hours on end! And also cardboard boxes are amazing.
[...] Ten Tips for New Moms. Aren’t we all suckers for lists? Harriett from See Theo Run writes 10 things she learned in her first year of being a mom. She had me at Number One: “Your new baby gives you carte blanche to bail on everything and anything. Take advantage! Don’t explain, just don’t show up. And for goodness sake, let go of your A-type obsession with being on time.” [...]