One of my summer adoption goals is to read more adoption-focussed books to Theo so I can introduce him to some basic language and concepts. I don’t expect him to really “get it” for some time but I want to lay the groundwork so we can build towards a general understanding.
My latest book I picked up is called “I’m Adopted” (by Shelley Rotner and Sheila M Kelly), and for reasons unknown to me, Theo loves this book and wants me to read it to him every night. The book contains photographs of adoptive families and children with accompanying text that explains and represents the most common adoption scenarios including same-sex parents, single parents, same-race adoptions, local and international adoptions and of course, multiracial families.
The authors explain adoption in a refreshingly straightforward, unromantic way. While many of the photos of adoptive families and children are full of joy and love, the author does not shy away from the sadness that accompanies adoption. Theo is moved by these photos and always asks “sad?” The authors also tackle reasons a birthmother might place a baby for adoption and how a child might feel about his or her birthmother.
Admittedly, I cringed at some of the explanations (below) for why a birthmother would place a child for adoption including poverty and age. While I recognize that these are possible reasons, the actual reasons to placement are varied and complex and giving your child one reason such as “she was too poor,” opens up a huge can of worms including the obvious: Why can’t poor or young people keep their children?
The book also reference “Adoption Day,” as a day of celebration. I know that many families celebrate “Gotcha Day” but for me the day we met Theo was such an emotionally painful day, I don’t think I could ever celebrate it. I prefer to honour his birthday.
At the same time, in the realm of adoption where many agencies and parents still try to deny that their child came from someone else, it’s brave of the authors to include references to birthparents at all. And so I applaud them for that.
As with most adoption books, a family situation like ours is rarely if ever represented — an open adoption where the birthfather is actively involved and where the parents (us) are not the same race. This is not a failing so much as an observation. It’s impossible to cover all the permutations and combinations of adoption in a short children’s book!
I’m not sure why Theo loves this book so much. It may simply be the photos of the children. When I leaf through the book with him, I review the names of his friends who are adopted. Later, I’ll ask him “who is adopted?” and he’ll mention his friends and then he’ll start listing everyone else including mommy and daddy.
We have a long way to go but it’s a start!
What books do you read to your kids about adoption?
We adopted domestically at birth (we’re vancouverites living in San Francisco, but that’s another story). Our daughter came home the day after she was born, but after a lengthy visit with extended birth family members – no caring person could celebrate that day. We celebrate her birthday, and our court day, when the legalities were all finalized, 9 months after her birthday. At 8 & 6, interestingly, her little brother is really, really interested in our collection of adoption books – he’s very perplexed about why we didn’t adopt him, since it seems like such a good way to build families 😉
LOL! I guess a lot of attention is paid to adoption after the fact whereas birth is kind of taken for granted.
I recommend “Rosie’s Family: An Adoption Story.” It’s about a family of dogs. One child is adopted and clearly is a different breed of dog (so transracial), and one is biological. It doesn’t exactly fit the typical infant adoption in that the puppy was a little older and deals with some attachment issues at first with her new family. But it addresses some great questions that kids often come up with, like “Are you my real parents?” and “Why did you take me away from my birth parents?” It also looks at how they are all a family with both similar and different interests.
Also, related to the above post, my oldest is biological and she likes to hear us tell both her birth story and her brother’s adoption story. She was really distressed for a while that we didn’t have to drive a whole day to go pick her up from the hospital.
We don’t read any adoption books because E will not tolerate them. She’s very opinionated right now — Sandra Boynton, Where the Wild Things Are, and books with flaps only, thankyouverymuch! Most of our adoption books are of the romantic adoption variety. Except the one that explains what uteruses are, and I just don’t think we’re quite there yet!
Well she’s a BIT young. Amazed that she likes Where the Wild Things are. Theo certainly is but, he’s 3!
Harriet Fancott harriet@karmavore.com
She only likes Where the Wild Things Are because of the pages with no words where I say “rumpusrumpusrumpusrumpusrumpus.” As soon as we clear those pages, it’s book on the floor!
We have several adoption books, and Mea likes many of them. We often read them and then discuss how our family is different. I have been toying with the idea of getting my oldest daughter to help me create a customized book, (she would do the art, I would write the text) so that we have something that would be more closely tied to what our family looks like. Trans-racial, blended, etc. If I can make it work, we are thinking that we would try to make something that would be customizable for various different kinds of families.
Yes! making a family book is on my summer “agenda”…
Harriet Fancott harriet@karmavore.com
Great idea!
I think adoption books open our eyes to the views of the adopted.
What a measured and thoughtful review. I too have a copy of it-and LOVED the pictures, and seeing “us” all over the place. I really appreciate how you give credit for the steps it has taken. Thanks Mama!
I just bought two copies of this book, one for my preschool-age nieces and one for my prospective child’s library. I notice kids are really attracted to high quality picture books like these that show photos of real children and families. Kids I know have also loved, “The Shades of People”, which playfully names (and shows) some of the many different possible skin tones you can be born in. These books are great conversation starters that can introduce a discussion about diversity in a natural way. (“anti-racist education” sounds so formal, but yes, that.)
ETA: I just checked the “Shades of People” book to make sure I had the title right and turns out it is by the same authors! LOL
Yes I noticed the shades book on the back of I’m Adopted! I may have to pick that one up. Theo has pointed out that I’m white and Daddy and he are brown. Fascinating.
Harriet Fancott harriet@karmavore.com
“Even in the same family, there can be many shades.”
– Shades of People
sorry, I get really excited about quality kid lit!